Relationships: A Male Perspective Part 5

Looking up3

I belong to the beloved, have seen the two worlds as one and that one call to and know, first, last, outer, inner, only that breath breathing human being. Rumi

Men belong to the Beloved. This is the first miracle. But men need more than A miracle… they need a course in miracles. For all around them, there are fingers pointing to heaven, and still, men manage to miss the Divine. They miss because most men are just reborn versions of their fathers. They miss because suddenly the father is gone and there is nobody left to hold the hand of the lost little boy. So men are brave and strong like their fathers during the day, but late at night, they cry and weep because they realize the protective hand is no longer there; they have lost their fathers. Now life has lost its joy, its beauty. There is work, but there are no butterflies. There is achievement, but no flowers. There is sex and conquests, but there are no blue skies. Everything in the world has become stony, gray, lifeless, and unfriendly.

Thus, men carry a deep wound in their chest, and this wound disturbs all their relationships. They cannot feel at home anywhere. They look at their hands and they no longer see the hand in their hands. They look down at their empty hands and they are afraid. They are afraid they will never live up to the image of their fathers. They are afraid that they will never be strong enough to hold the little boy’s hand. They are afraid the world will see that they are tired of being “strong’.

Men need a course in miracles. They may not fully comprehend the need, but all realize there is something missing in their lives. They are missing the cosmic hand. They are missing childhood. They are missing their fathers. They are missing home. They do not need religion or culture.  They do not need the ocean or the ground. They do not need Adam, but they need Eve.

Men need Eve…

For Eve kneads men. Eve is the gentle, caring, touch of the cosmic hand. Eve is the integration of the 23-chromosomes from the mother. 

Eve is…

promise not simply promotion.

love over reason.

Eve gives men permission to love and to be loved. Eve walks out of the forest holding the hand of the lost little boy. Eve integrates men. Eve turns union into communion. Eve brings rest.

Eve is God breathing breath into men. Eve offers men a course in miracles. 

Eve is man. Eve is woman. Eve is the Beloved who has seen the two worlds become one.

Eve is the One world which calls to knowledge, first, last, outer, inner, only that breath breathing human being.

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Relationships: A Male Perspective Part 4

Hope

 Photo courtesy of Flickr and “She Must Fly”

 

If you are irritated by every rub, how will you be polished? Rumi

Men carry a tremendous amount of sadness, despair, and grief inside.  It’s not that men don’t feel, but they’ve gotten the societal and cultural message that it’s not okay for them to ever publicly emote their feelings. The truth is men possess very deep and sensitive feelings. But most, if not all, is lost and buried in childhood. From the moment boys are initiated into the cultural ideal of masculinity, they are taught to mask their sensitivity and are only allowed male sanctioned expressions of emotion such as anger, violence, and indifference. This creates tremendous feelings of confusion and shame in boys. It creates tremendous wounds in men. So men seek out psychological healing because of the shame associated with the perceived failure of not being “man enough” or worse “soft” if they express any emotion other than those that have been culturally sanctioned as a rite of passage from childhood.

Men learn to terminate their emotions which hardens them and sends the message that they are impervious to pain. None of this is true. Men get hurt and their hurt lasts forever; their memory of that hurt lasts even longer. For most men lack the forgiveness gene. And this is why most relationships men try to nurture disintegrate or implode from the sheer weight of their low self-esteem, social alienation, and emotional immaturity. Men generally experience “conditioned” patterns of failed relationships from childhood to adulthood because what they typically seek in a relationship is neither psychologically or spiritually healthy.

Men live in an unintegrated world. And so, every relationship…  in fact, each and every component of a relationship exists in its own separate compartment in their minds. Which means men can love and leave in the same breath. They can wine and dine on Tuesday, and walk away without a trace on Wednesday. They can play Santa on Christmas, and walk out on their family by New Year’s Eve. They can completely shutdown without fanfare, warning, or logic. They can “fall in love” with multiple women without guilt because each woman is a separate experience neatly filed away in her own compartment in their minds.

Men fail in relationships because each day they wake up wondering which man will show up. For one day the man shows up, but the next day it is the little boy who makes his presence known. 

So, in the hearts of men lives a hunger. Indeed, a restlessness. There is a restlessness for relationship. There is a restlessness for fellowship. There is a restlessness for communion. Yet, the greater hunger is for the unknown. The greater thirst is for healing. The deep desire for intimacy is really their search for integration. The greater need to love and to be loved is really their need to purge themselves of all internalized shame.

So Even now, in the shadows of Eden, as men hide n’seek rest in the low places, God is rubbing. Even now, as men spend their entire lives knocking on the wrong doors, God is polishing. Even now, as men sleep in pain and wake in shame, God is creating greater restlessness in their hearts. Even now, God is calling the little boy and He is calling the man to integrate. Even now, He is offering Men His course in Miracles. To be continued…

Relationships: A Male Perspective Part 3

Looking up4

Photo by Wendy Williams

“Like a thief reason sneaked in and sat amongst the lovers eager to give them advice. They were unwilling to listen, so reason kissed their feet and went on its way.” Rumi

Men are lonely. Men hurt. And men suffer in secrecy even while the world is applauding their achievements publicly. This is because men are on a journey to nowhere. This is because a talkative mind is difficult to control. This is why even when reason shows up in a man’s life (to kiss the words of his mouth like a loved one) he is unwilling to listen. His unwillingness to listen is an indication he is out of harmony with himself, with the Law of his own Being.

Men are a duality… a man-child torn between two worlds. They are the man society has made, and they are still the little boy who hopes to become the self-made man.

Men are on a journey to nowhere because they live their lives in half-truths. They are only taught to live within the confines of social and biological expectation, to express their fathers {23-chromosomes}. Yet, men die prematurely from their subconcious denial of the {23-chromosomes} from their mothers. So men seek out women to complete them because they are unaware God has already completed them in their humanity. And this is why men are lonely…  They achieve union (sperm and egg, husband and wife), but not communion: (co)mm(unity).

Men “fall in love” but only with the image of the woman they have created in their minds. Men will be committed to a woman as long as her reality doesn’t interfere with their (fantasy). And because no woman can live up to his fantasy, men become restless. Not with women per se, but with themselves. Men become restless from their inability to achieve nirvana through a woman, through their work, through their possessions, through their achievements. So they resume their journey because that is all they know to do.

Men seek in the wrong places. They knock on the wrong doors. Every woman they meet becomes a personal (con)quest. And each quest leads to nothing but a greater quest(ion).

All men travel a great distance. So much time has passed since they were separated from their mother’s womb. Since that time…  they have become doctors. They have become professional athletes. They have become great musicians. They have become good husbands and great fathers. They have achieved much. They have conquered most. They have even achieved the high offices of this world. They have ascended to the top of life’s mountain. And still, Men have not achieved rest. To be continued…

Relationships: A Male Perspective Part 2

Looking Up

Photo by Wendy Williams

Mind is the Master power that moulds and makes, And Man is Mind, and evermore he takes The tool of Thought, and, shaping what he wills, Brings forth a thousand joys, a thousand ills— He thinks in secret, and it comes to pass: Environment is but his looking-glass.  James Allen 1902

The mind of man is always in motion. It is always thinking. It is never quiet. If trained, a man’s mind can bring great blessings to the world. If left unattended, it can bring unannounced curses to generations.  If trained, a man will learn to build. If untrained, he will learn to tear down. If trained, he will bring unknown heavens to his household. If untrained, he will bring known hells…

A deep restlessness exists in men, and because of this deep restlessness men are always moving and going somewhere, always interested in the journey. Even from the womb there is a restlessness. A male will kick more. They will move more. On the playground of mortality, men are never still. In the classroom of motive, men cheat the test. This is because all men are searching for something to complete them. And until a man finds that some [thing], he will move and be restless. He will continue to accumulate [things] but he will never rest long enough to appreciate them. He may even attain superior knowledge, but he will be incapable of attaining deeper Truth. 

A man is a duality. He is the man who is restless, and he is the man who is in search of rest. He is the restless boy who is seeking the security of his mother’s womb. And he is the tortured restless soul who is on his life journey to nowhere. To be continued…

Relationships: A Male Perspective Part 1

Looking Up by Wendy Williams

 Photo by Wendy Williams

 As a man thinketh in his heart, so is he. Proverbs 23:7

Relationships have changed a lot, and have changed for the worse. In all dimensions the deeper commitment has disappeared, and has been replaced by the superficial. The husband and wife have been replaced by the “significant other”. The boyfriend and girlfriend have been replaced by the “friend” and/or “lover”. Men and women still marry, but they are not committed to unity. Men and women still have children together, but there is no depth of commitment to extended family. Men and women still dream of building a future together, but there is no commitment to future generations. This is because commitment, true commitment, requires deep love. And deep love requires deep roots. Being a “good husband” is not enough. Being a “good wife” is not enough. There may be union but there is no communion. And communion is necessary.

Communion is necessary…  Yet, this is where most men get lost within the murky waters of relationship.

The most devout man can manage union, but he is puzzled by communion. He is perplexed by communion because it requires a deeper leap of faith. It requires deeper love. And a man may “fall in love” but he cannot fall into communion. Communion requires deep faith. Communion requires deep trust. Communion requires deep roots. Communion requires strong character, and the strength of a man’s character is directly proportional to the way he thinks. For a man’s thoughts not only embrace the whole of his being, but are so comprehensive as to reach out to every condition and circumstance of his life. Thus, a man is literally what he thinks; his character is the complete sum of all his thoughts.

So what is the man (are the men) in your life thinking?  To be continued…